A PINKBERRY FOR DAVID

Remember David Archuleta from American Idol in 2008?

The giggly little twink that made millions of teenage girls go through multiple pairs of panties (boys too I assume).

Well I was catching up on some back reading of the advocate online today and came across this piece about him back in April:

"American Idol season 7 star David Archuleta is denying speculation that he is gay after being spotted at a gay nightclub.

He claims to have gone to the New York City club to see his dance-artist friend Charice perform before grabbing some Pinkberry, according to his Twitter page."

OK, let's stop there for a second- Pinkberry? Ok if you like that joint it doesn't mean you are gay but I just find it amusing since our Pinkberry in San Diego is smack dab in the middle of gay Hillcrest!

"His flurry of tweets in reaction talk on Twitter attempted to let fans know that he is not actually gay. One tweet explains, "NO worries all, I wouldn't get into things like that intentionally haha" and another says, "I just didn't want you guys to be worried, so had to let you guys know the facts!"

Ok so what would they be worried about? His record company- his legion of screaming female fans- THAT DAVID IS A COCKSUCKER!

Tell me what that really has to do with being a performer? Well nothing to me but to the people that sell his stuff to the masses, don't ask don't tell wont even work. One thing that I hate is when you see a celebrity like this that you know- if it wasn't for fame and, in his case, religious shame preaching (he is a Mormon) he would be out.

Let's take a look at his tweets.

His tweets on the matter (oldest to newest):

Hey guys just wanted to clear something up real quick lol. Last night in New York I got invited to go and see my friend Charice perform.. [link]

Mental note to self: always ask where before you go! Wasn’t my kind of place lol, and I had no clue! I guess you live and learn. The.. [link]

LET'S STOP HERE FOR A SECOND...THIS GUY IS A PRETTY MAJOR RECORDING ARTIST AND THESE PEOPLE HAVE PEOPLE THAT TELL THEM WHEN TO EAT, WHEN TO FART AND CERTAINLY TELL THEM ABOUT THE PLACES THEY ARE MAKING APPEARANCES AT. UNLESS HE RAN AWAY ON HIS OWN I REALLY FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT HE HAD NO CLUE! I THINK HE KNEW WHAT TYPE OF JOINT IT WAS BUT DIDN'T EXPECT HIS FANS TO TRIP OUT ABOUT HIM GOING TO A GAY CLUB TO SEE CHARICE PERFORM.

More of his tweets-

upside was that Clarice was awesome, and she has an incredible voice. Hope that clears things up! Been seeing some of the tweets.. sheesh! [link]

Can get crazy quick. NO worries all, I wouldn’t get into things like that intentionally haha. Hope you guys have a good Sunday! [link]

GET INTO THINGS LIKE THAT? WHAT STEPPING FOOT INSIDE A CLUB FULL OF QUEERS- MANY OF WHOM HAVE BOUGHT YOUR DEBUT CD?

@kahlidalbow Back home . Spending time with the family! I just didn’t want you guys to be worried so had to let you guys know the facts! [link]

WORRIED THAT HE IS A COCKSUCKER I GUESS- I SUPPOSE HIS MUSIC WOULD SUDDENLY SUCK ASS TO ALL THESE PANTY-WET GIRLS IF HE EVER DID COME OUT- HYPOCRITES.

@DebVaFOD Thanks a bunch! Charice is great and she didn’t mean to cause any harm haha. She apologized a lot after. She’s way nice lol. [link]

WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR? ALMOST GETTING HIM OUTED?

@hamghost I have friends who are gay, and they’re great people. Whether they’re gay or not doesn’t change how I think of them. [link]

@hamghost I have nothing against anyone, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across. I’m just not into the partying scene lol. [link]

SOMEONE CURIOUSLY MUST HAVE READ HIS BEADS- WHILE TRYING TO EASE THE FEARS OF HOMOPHOBIC FEMALE FANS ARCHIE CAME OFF AS A HOMOPHOBE HIMSELF! WHOOPS!

SO NOW IT WASN'T THE FACT THAT IT WAS A GAY CLUB BUT A CLUB IN GENERAL...OK...AND IF HE LIKES GAY PEOPLE SO MUCH, AND REALLY ISN'T A SCREAMING BOTTOM QUEEN,HOW COME HE WASN'T BOOKED AT ANY GAY PRIDE EVENT OR SHOWED SUPPORT IN A PARADE?

@officialcharice Aw haha thanks Charice! Sorry for causing any problems, I know you didn’t mean to cause any confusion [link]

Now what is the point of all this besides showing you how gay teen performers are shoved into the closet?...ok I don't know if he is gay or bi for a fact but my gaydar is pretty accurate and it dings like a four alarm fire bell when I see him.

Someone asked me last week why I like Danny Noriega, who was also on the show that year and who I twit to from time to time.

Long story short, Mama Fluff and I watched Idol that year because a local gal Carly Smithson- who was actually our waitress when we ate at The Field restaurant before she got on the show was in the competition.

The added bonus was Danny. Both Mama Fluff and I agreed that he had a lot of talent and that we thought he was unique for being himself on the show.

What I don't get though is why this person is not signed to a record deal yet. I mean come on folks- campy stereotype Adam Lambert has a record deal and Danny is a better singer than him in my opinion so what the fuck?

I think Ellen DeGeneres, who just started her own record label should give this guy a chance to do an album. He doesn't have to be campy like Lambert to sell records he just has to sing as good as he does.

Earlier this year he released a signal, that you can listen to and buy here on Amazon.

It is really a good song and I think it is time someone steps up to the plate and gives this guy what he deserves.

Twinky Archuleta came in second to a guy named David Cook who had a horridly screechy voice. Archie would have won but the voters (and people on the show) that thought having a gay - or perceived gay American Idol was a bad idea made sure he came in second even though he was the better singer in the end.

No offense against Archuleta but I think when he gets older and the teenage girls they market him to grow up and their is a new made to be straight twinky on the block we will see this guy do a Ricky Martin.

Meanwhile, if given the chance, Danny Noriega will continue to be himself and entertain for years.

I just may start the petition campaign to get Ellen to sign Danny to a record deal..not because he is gay but because he is a great singer and entertainer and he is the epitome of what gay pride is.

Being proud of who and what you are even if it means watching others fly past you because they can convince brain dead drooling females and straight males that they are just as much of a straight as they are.

I like Archuleta's music but his statements about gays sound like those that many in the closet make- I have no trouble with gay people, I have gay friends but it would be awful if I was one. But I guess in our world one has to do what they have to do to be a sucess because the music industry generally doesn't like us queers unless we are stereotypes like Adam Lambert and they certainly frown on openly gay teens being on TV or being signed to record deals- because only straight people buy CD's and watch TV, right?

Here is one of Archie's new songs...





He sang this but if he believes the lyrics why did he apologize for being in a gay club when I bet a lot of gays bought his music and voted for him because they thought he was cute.

MEET MAMA FLUFF

A bunch of my Borderboys blog readers asked me to post a pic of my partner so here he is-presenting "Mama Fluff"

He was given that name by Aaron Tyler while we were with him filming because he was pressed into duty when an emergency fluffing was needed.

Anyhow we just celebrated our 8th anniversary together yesterday!

Beyond debuting him- he may have a blog up soon as well- I want to publicly wish him a happy anniversary and thank him for being the one constant in my life for the last 8 years.

No matter whether times have been good or bad he has been here for me and it is probably the best and most satisfying partnership I have had in my lifetime.

People with closed minds don't understand him some of the times but those who see beyond what is tangible on earth usually like him a lot- probably better than me- because of his kind...and less abrasive nature...I can be a bit blunt and that turns people that cannot handle truth off sometimes.



So I love you Mama Fluff- thanks for 8 wonderful years and here is hoping the next eight are as satisfying as the first!

FREE SPEECH OR HATE SPEECH?

I came across a piece today about an issue that is cropping up Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis and is an issue that pops out it's vile head at most Gay Pride events.

The article asks, "Must an expressive association that paid for a permit in a public park to advance its message include someone using the event to convey an opposing message? Specifically, must an anti-gay preacher and others be allowed to condemn homosexuality in signs and literature by roaming the permit grounds of a gay-pride celebration?"

It goes on to say...

"This year, an anti-gay activist and preacher named Brian Johnson and his family have insisted that they be given access to the permit grounds during the hours of the festival in order to display signs, distribute literature, and personally counsel attendees with an opposing message: that homosexuality is sinful and must be condemned rather than accepted. Johnson was arrested for trespass last year after he confronted some festival-goers with his message of repentance and condemnation."

Now let's think a minute.

For any other type of event- that shows say ethnic pride people would be outraged if some sick son of a bitches, in the name of their idea of what a god is, had signs saying stuff like "Niggers are God's Mistake" or "God Hates Mexicans".

There would be a public outcry- chances are angry participants would start a riot or at least beat the hell out of the freaks.

But when it comes to us gay folk- especially here in San Diego we just hold our signs and no one has the balls to stand up to these people.

Let me take you back to 1969- when the first protests started the people involved were instructed to dress mainstream- long dresses and suits and ties. They were told no matter what act peacefully and respectfully...until gay folk had enough of the abuse and the Stonewall Riot occurred. That event in New York City sparked some change that we all benefit from in the present day.

The trouble is that now days it seems we have the same sort of people organization the Pride events..and even the people who organized the NO H8 campaign here with that peace nick mentally that did nothing to affect change prior to the Stonewall riot in 1969.

Those of us in California saw how affective not taking the bully (the Mormon Church and other backers of Prop 8) worked for us. Our right to buy a state issued marriage license was taken away.

Don't you think it is about time we start standing up for ourselves- whether it means taking on a neighbor or family member one on one or a taking on the religious freaks that come to our events to preach hate? The organizers think it makes us look good in the press by being civil, polite and non-confrontational but it does not. It makes us looks like the scared little faggots time and time again- shut up and put in our place as second class citizens in a country where there is supposed to be "liberty and justice for all" whether you fuck an ass or a vagina.

As far as the piece is concerned I am all for free speech and people to have their first amendment right but when does free speech turn into hate speech?

The first amendment says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

No where in that bill of rights does it say you can twist the words of Jesus Christ around and use it to promote hate, violence and discrimination against a segment of the population you either fear or simply cannot accept in your own world.

I have been at a lot of events where these sick bastards march around with their anti-gay signs and no one- no one dares to take on these people- we are just too nice.

But just like the bully in school the sickness- that is Christian Fundamentalism (it is a sickness and for some a real addiction...these people border on delusional) - will continue to bully until the victim stands up to them. It does not mean having a rational discussion- these people are so insane that they truly believe that because they keep their small minds stuck in that book of theirs that they are the ones that God loves.

Trouble is these freaks end up playing God more than listening to their God...so I think their God just shakes his or her head and plugs his ears...they always say we are going to hell but they seem to forget what the man they name themselves after cautioned them against- "Judge not lest you be judged".

Back to the bully- until the victim takes a risk...in a school kids case it might be getting expelled for taking on a bully and in the adult would arrest for civil disobedience...the bully will continue on.

So if these people are allowed to march around that Pride event- or even at ours next month gay folk have abig choice to make. Let them continue being the bully and spewing out hate disguised as some sort of religion that is based on nothing but their own fears and prejudices or to finally take on the bully.

Thousands attend the Gay Pride event here in San Diego. I am sure a boat load will be at the Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis so how about this time people get a set of balls and simply run these freakish bastards out of the event.

I don't condone random violence but there have been many times when I just wanted to take the sign of one of these God Hates fags freaks and beat the living shit out of them with it.

Not because I get my jollies hurting another human being but because I know- from personal experience as a teen and from the stories I have heard and read about in my lifetime how their twisted religion, there ability to get away with publicly promoted hate and violence against a certain segment of the population

It is about time we- as a so-called community do whatever it takes to shut up these bastards. Yes in their fake churches they can preach what they want but it goes beyond just crossing boundaries and invading gay events.

The messages of hate towards gays- based on crap written by MEN over 2000 YEARS AGO leads to daily abuse of teenage children in schools and homes. It leads to gay bashing at work or worse physical attacks in the street.

It leads homophobes to believe they have the god given right to mentally, physically and psychologically abuse fellow human beings.

Allowing these people with our silence, inaction or especially complacency leads to gay teens wanting to kill themselves...out of shame and fear. Now you tell me where Jesus said to his followers to go around and play God so you can humiliate, torture and abuse another human being just because you do not like what they are?

And letting these sign carrying freaks hold sway in America while we sit back with flowers in our hair, yelling our well rehearsed chants without taking them on in an aggressive way can lead to what happened back in 2008.

I will leave you with the clip from Ellen...this would have never happened if people like this freak that wants to be let into the Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis didn't use their fake religion to convince this boy's killer that God would appreciate that more than letting a faggot live in peace.

It is time for a change...let's find our balls people.




Think about it.

RANDOM ROXY

Since I brought up Roxy Red yesterday I thought I would share a little something about him here this evening since I have nothing better to do...well I do but obviously I am not included in fun things...but that is a different post.

At the end of this one I am posting the latest video Roxy did on his YouTube page.

I just had to do this post for two reasons.

First I want you all to know that this is the funny and absolutely wonderful young man I have come to know this year. Sadly we are in separate parts of San Diego now so I don't get to see him too often but this is Roxy at his best.

I rarely meet people with a brilliant sense of humor like his and I remember earlier this year being on random adventures just like in his video. The most benign things were turned into a laugh a minute. When I am dowen I think about those times and smile to myself.

But I want to make something else clear.

As you saw in yesterday's post there are a lot of dumb ass people out there and I am sure one idiot will not understand that he is in Roxy Red character in this video and he and his friend are being random and silly. There is a huge difference between the character of Roxy Red and the real person I have come to know. Just like my Chucky Baer character is way different from who I really am in my real world so it is with Roxy.

So just to make it clear- He does not sell his ass on a street corner- he was just acting.

So if you hear anyone running around saying Roxy Red is a street corner whore slap them on the head with a dumb stick.

He is a talented,witty and compassionate human being and I can't thank him enough for making me laugh today...today especially I needed a good one.

You can find Roxy on his blog, his twitter and or his MySpace page (he accepts fans there).

Here's the video:

DEAR DUMB ASS

Don't you hate stupid people? Seems like both Roxy Red and I are getting the same dumbass on our formspring!

This anonymous person- who clearly cannot read well asked me this:

"do u think its up to the studios to test models or should the models get themselves tested for std`s"

This was my response:

That depends- I think if someone is using their body in their work off screen they should be health conscious. Don't be bare backing in the private life and then try and blame a studio because you come up with something.

So new models should make sure they are clean before they sign a contract and agree to do a film or scene. So yes initially I think it is up to the model. It should be required before they are hired. Also I see no reason why a new model cannot get an HIV test as well prior to shooting.

Many cities offer free testing. If you get hired in medicine at a hospital you have to get Hepatitis shots, a CPR card and other things. The employer and hospital doesn't pay for it the applicant does so why should it be different with porn studios?

If a studio has an applicant that just could not get an HIV or STD screening then they should help them but these are all adults- even if they are 18. The studio is an employer not a babysitter.

Out of that the dumb as said to Roxy that I don't care if models have STD's or about the health.

So just to clarify I do care- but I think that since everyone is supposed to be grown up in porn I see no reason models THAT ARE NEW should not be to get their own HIV and STD screening. The studio is not responsible for what they did before they became an employee.

Now that doesn't mean I don't care, dumb ass.

What it means is that models should take some responsibility as well. If a model is under exclusive contract then perhaps the studio should test them routinely. But most people get HIV tested every 6 months. Most models stick around for a weekend and usually are back within that same 6 month period.

Now had this person asked a logical question instead of a vague one that was purposely designed to get me to answer so this dumb ass could twist my words than I may have had a different answer.

If he or she had asked if I thought that models should be able to see the health records, HIV tests and other pertinent information about the person they were going to have sex with in the scene I would have said absolutely. I think that all studios should make that available to models.

So here we have another dumb ass that clearly cannot read English- I made my position clear in the answer and never said that I do not care about the models being tested for STD's.

I think it is a 2 way street- while studios have the responsibility to make sure testing is done- either by having applicants bring recent tests to the first shoot or helping them get to a free clinic locally I also believe the models should act responsibly in their private lives in bed.

And I don't think is that is wrong to say. If one uses his body for work and exposes it to others than he should take care to play safe, avoid heavy drug use- be it Mary Jane, alcohol or heavier drugs so there is no worry of STD's.

But again- this question was asked just to give the dumb ass an opportunity to twisty my words.

Let's get this straight- my blog is about porn reviews...it is not about gossip or what I think certain studios should or shouldn't do.

If I owned my own studio I would take my guys to the clinic and test them myself just to avoid liability. I cannot say what I think others should do because I have a peripheral frame of reference.

But I will say that this person probably has heard hearsay- second hand info from disgruntled performers...usually the truth is blurred by anger by these people and there is always two sides to all stories and that is why I don't get into talking about shit like this.

So the next time you want to ask me a question like this- to entrap me or twist my words- DON'T.



AND FOR THE RECORD I SAW KEITH MILLER YESTERDAY AND HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH ROXY RED SO LET'S PUT THE RUMOR ABOUT BEING FIRED TO REST.

INTO THE LENS

Before I started the Borderboys post this morning I had to do a quick post here. Some of the reader comments I am getting are really great and I wanted to share part of one reader David Michael...who writes the DAVID IN THE VALLEY blog wrote so eloquently:

It is a major double standard and it honestly does not help when a "twink" uses his charm, sex appeal, looks, body to get "What he wants" then when the well dries out, he moves on and doesn't give you the time of day.

Not all of us middle-aged gay men are wealthy. But, we all do have feelings!!

Not all of us are out to "get the next twink". Some of us just are real genuine people who are only looking for pure friendship - nothing more - nothing less.

And it does sadden me that twinks of today don't want anything to do with you unless you have money or are in some other type of position to help them.

They also seem to forget that in about 20 years, they are also going to be a middle-aged gay man. I have noticed on twitter, that a lot of the twinks have some major drama.

Always talking smack about someone else. You DM them or tweet them and they do not even have the common respect to answer you.

They only complain to others that some "old creepy guy" is bothering me. Some of them take genuine friendly comments or what have you as "oh know, they want something, I had better stay away".


UNLESS DAVID...like I said before in earlier posts you look like the dude in that picture above.

And I am not making it up. I see how men that look like that, who are fortunate enough to have the metabolism or the physical ability to work out three times a week (I really have tried myself but with the Chronic Fatigue and the constant muscular pain on normal days doing that makes me feel like a truck ran over me), are treated compared to someone that looks like me.

The message that rings loud and clear is that you are only worthy of love and the same respect you try to give if you look great on the outside.

And that is really sad.

We actually do have feelings...and yes I have heard the same people that reeled me in and who convinced me the "love"- paternal on my part was mutual tell me about how others have hurt them in the past by doing exactly what they do to me or other middle age men. So it is bad when someone rips their heart out but since we are old bastards it doesn't matter.

Now not all twinks are like that. Roxy Red comes to mind. I have known him since the beginning of the year and both my partner and I think of him as extended family. Not once has he played any games or disrespected me- he has been sincere and has been genuinely a good person.

Same with Aaron Tyler. Although Aaron and I had a business disagreement a while back he has always been a friend...no matter what people say to him and no matter what others tell me they think about him he has been sincere. He probably is the one person in the business that immediately included me- no questions asked, no concern over how I looked or how it looked with him hanging out with me...just real friendship and a real concern for my feelings as well.

But most are conditioned to believe that us older people just want something from them as you said, David.


The fact of the matter is that most middle aged gay men, whether they deny it to themselves or not, naturally possess paternal instincts. Especially if you are a guy like me that actually, albeit accidentally made and subsequently lost to disease a biological child of your own...exactly one month from today it will be 8 years since he passed away from the terminal lymphatic cancer.


If you had a teenage life like mine- where there was no older gay male mentor to help me through the almost daily rough spots (remember I was outed in a town of 34,000 people when I was 12)- you grow up naturally wanting to give youth something you never had. At least that is how it works for me- I had no one as a young adult- aside from the people that wanted me in bed...back when I had the youthful look and tight body. Young people do not understand that some of us get real joy out of being there and especially seeing youth that are troubled pulling through the mire of shit they are in and coming through it like a champ.

I think the reason I do what I do is not to make the younger person into a substitute for my son but to carry on for him. What a lot of people do not know is that before he passed away, one of the last things he asked of me was to take care of other boys like him-he came out as gay to me when he was 11.

In other words my son, nearly on his death bed, asked me to help other young people so I would not want to give up and die myself. For years now I have tried to keep that promise I made to him.

But I don't know if I can do it anymore. I can't deal with people saying they love and care until they find a convenient excuse not to. They just do not have the ability to look in the mirror at themselves and if they do they certainly do not have the skills or the ability to own up to their behaviors...instead they just disappear and meanwhile the person that allowed themselves to care and give a damn are left wondering why with their heart in their hands,

For most it is not their faults - it is how they are conditioned these days.

Reader Linda sent in this wonderful e-mail which sums up the problem with people...both older gay men and twinks not really understanding what love and interpersonal relationships that are all based on give and take entail...I will leave you today with her e-mail comment:

I just read your blog post, "Your Own Worst Enemy". In my opinion, things will get worse long before they get better. The problem is that our technology has moved much more quickly than our ability to internalize it. We can instantly message people all over the planet, and stick our noses into EVERYTHING at will.

In my day, when you wanted to meet people, you had to get dressed and LEAVE THE HOUSE! And PHYSICALLY interact with them! Face to Face, for the love of God...Imagine such a thing today...Now, you just 'log on' to whatever site and post away to people you have NEVER met and most likely will not. You can say WHATEVER you want, and disappear, just like that. We have no investment in our social contacts anymore.

The technology gives us the ability to have that kind of instant communication, but it doesn't tell us how to use it. Everything moves so fast, as soon as you learn one thing, it's obsolete and you have to start over again. Younger people who grow up with this technology often don't even learn what an actual person-to-person friendship IS.

So, of course people become afraid to let anyone in. They are simply reacting in self-protective interest. When a part of the body is over-stimulated, it is natural to form a kind of 'callous'. That's all this is. A social 'callous' we are forming in response to the hyper-stimulation our technology has given us. We are all walling ourselves off, like cysts.

I say it will get worse before better, because people aren't learning how to properly interact anymore. It's all becoming "Tweets" and brief little FB messages and 'texts' on cell phones...nobody really TALKS anymore. And yet, they have more opportunities than at any time in history!

People don't read, they don't write, unless they HAVE to. And their day-to-day communications are being reduced to brief snatches of stuff online. The language we use to communicate with each other is being reduced. Since we think in our native languages, any reduction in language skills is going to affect our ability to form coherent thought! This should scare the HELL out of anyone!

George Orwell's 1984 seems more prophetic as time goes on. This is EXACTLY the strategy used by Big Brother to control the population. Reduce their ability to communicate and to even form thoughts, by restricting and reducing language itself.

Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent there. But this kind of environment is going to affect the people in it. While it seems cold, it is actually only reflecting what we put into it. The same technology that allows us to vote for the next American Idol could help eliminate much world poverty.

But, we opted for the QVC channel instead...

Ah well, what can you do? But that's what it is, Chucky. It's the technology. We, as a species, haven't had the chance to adapt to the changes. Look at past innovations, like the horse-drawn plow. People had TIME to adapt and deal with the new invention. Nowadays? We get new inventions ALL THE TIME. When you do that to people, you fuck them up in the head.

Read Future Shock by Toffler, it describes the psychological effects of this "pulling the rug out".

It's little wonder people lack the basic social skills they need to get along with each other, and because I don't see any improvement soon, I think it will get worse before it gets better.

Sadly that is so true...to all readers feel free to express your opinions here...t5he comments are open but remember they are pending approval so they will not appear until I approve them.

Here is a song from YES...from the year when Trevor Horn did the lead vocals instead of Jon Anderson (older people that know the band will know what I am talking about) called Into The Lens.

THE BIG DOUBLE STANDARD

DICTIONARY. COM defines Double Standard as "any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another."

In some earlier posts here I talked about the double-standard many twinks in the business have when it comes to basing things on looks, wealth and what will make them look good in the eyes of their peers. In other words, from what I have seen and experienced these guys will bend over backwords- sometimes literally- for a rich daddy that can afford to please them and buy the gym body but will just use people like me when we are a last resort.

Today on the Borderboys blog I reviewed a scene with my all time favorite Helix performer Nick Angels and I said that if there was one guy that I would be obsessed with it would be Nick.

The rest I have met have met let me in and some led me on into believing the "love" we shared was that of close family members.

It is bad enough when people tell these twinks all sorts of shit- like some of the things I have heard that these guys do not realize I hear like "what do you want to be involved with that old man for?".but it is worse when one with a guilty conscious, who does not have the balls to stand up to what people think he should do and be falls into the trap set by those who really do not give a damn and throw away real love and compassion.

And I am not talking here about adult performers exclusively. Over the years I have seen the hearts ripped out of youth, again as I stated in an earlier piece here, by these fabulous older men with money, condos and the gym bodies while they fucked themselves by ditching the average guy who had his heart and motivations in the right place.

Anyhow I am really sick of the double standards with people lately. I warned people on the post today not to mail in with smart ass comments on how silly it is for a man my age being attracted to a guy Nick's age (he is 22 now btw).

Now I am not sure how it is for females but I know men my age, that are straight, that start dating- or even crushing over a female in their 20's and they are usually patted on the back by their peers.

Yet when it is someone my age that suggests that he finds a model like Nick beautiful, charming and engaging people act as if it is some mortal sin.

And that is not only straight people that do that- twinks do that as well...again unless it is someone of wealth or who has the ability to buy the 20 year old body. I have seen gay twinks make absolutely horrid comments about men who like certain models and yet they themselves will chase after big and buff- and wealthy men the same age as the one they mock themselves to further their career or to live up to the expectations others put on them.

It is really pitiful that there is such a double standard because what ends up happening is many of these guys gain no real concept about what love really is. Love to them is someone pandering to their whims or making them look good in public and that is sad as I pointed out last week here.

What is even worse is when I have one of these people lamenting to me about how badly, unfairly or unjustly someone else treated them when they tried to be a loving friend or even a boyfriend and then turn around and do the same god damn thing they whined to me about to others- or even me. If that is not the epitome of the phrase double standard I don't know what else is.

Back to Nick...(the pics are from some of my favorite scenes he did at Helix)...

I didn't have the space to elaborate on the other blog so I just want to make things perfectly clear here. I am really not obsessed with Nick Angels- or anyone for that matter. There is a big difference between being obsessed and either admiring someone's work or if they have told you they love you as well wanting to be part of their world on a daily basis- not just when it is convenient or it can be kept secret for appearances sake.

The point I was trying to make on the other blog was that if I was the type to get obsessed to any human being or performer it would have been Nick. For my tastes in my personal life, especially when I was his age he is perfect. His ethnic background is appealing, his body is awesome and I love guys that are shorter than me.

Away from the physical, even though I just had a short chat with him when I met Nick last year I found him to be adorable, sincere and very forthright. Incredibly polite I found him to be charming and a very smart young man.

Those are all the qualities I like in a guy- but it isn't an obsession. I haven't mailed him or spoke with him since last year. It is more of a testament to the kind of guy he is and his talent as a performer.

So no- Chucky does not get obsessed over twinks. My life, my day and my world does not depend on talking to any of them. But Chucky also has feelings- again it is forgotten or simply dismissed by younger people that we older folks have feelings too and when someone fucks with our heads or hearts it hurts deeply as well.

What is the point of this post?

Well first to clarify what I wrote- I love the work Nick has done and really enjoyed chatting with him off the set but I am really not an obsessed fan.

Second to say that I have reached a limit with double standards- whether it has to do with societal double standards or those sometimes thrust upon my by so called friends and acquaintances.

I may not be rich, I may not be young, I may not have the gym body, and I may not live like a king in a million dollar condo but I am a damn good person who would rather slit his own wrists than intentionally betray a trust or hurt someone I care about intentionally.

But there comes a time when one has to say enough of the double standards. I have seen this played out with three different people in my life over the past month.

I have reached my limit of trying to be nice just for the sake of being an honest and caring person only to have efforts thrown in my face or blown off.

I have reached my limit of allowing myself to be manipulated into believing things only to find out that what I was led to believe is not true at all- you may not realize it but it sucks knowing some people use you as a last resort and I just won't stand for that any more in friendships or on a professional level.

I have had enough of trying to be the friend indeed to a friend in need only to be excommunicated when things get sorted out or they decide...let me repeat that...they decide that they have no more use for me until the next time.

Maybe this post- aside from making sure no one spins what I said about Nick is a self-affirmation post to myself.

I am a good person and I do not have to look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle or anything else to meet someone's approval. I will not settle anymore and in the coming months I am going to weed out the real friends from those who are fair weather ones.

You can take that to the bank for sure because I deserve better.



And yes for me I think Nick is and was one of the most sensual and sexy models ever cast at Helix...no apologies for that as well!

REST IN PEACE RUE

STORY BELOW IS FROM THE LA TIMES

Rue McClanahan, who played a man-crazy Southern belle in the seminal '80s sitcom "Golden Girls," died early Thursday of a massive stroke. She was 76.

McClanahan had suffered a minor stroke in January during recovery from heart bypass surgery, her manager said at the time.

"Golden Girls," which has aired in syndication nearly nonstop since its successful run from 1985 to 1992 on NBC, has been discovered by a whole new generation lately, partly because of costar Betty White and her resurgent popularity.

White is now the sole surviving cast member. Bea Arthur died last year of cancer, and Estelle Getty died in 2008.

McClanahan won an Emmy in 1987 for her portrayal of Blanche Devereaux, an aging beauty who still had an eye for the fellas. The actress' resume stretches back to the '60s and includes some of TV's most memorable shows, such as "All in the Family," "Maude," "The Love Boat" and "Touched by an Angel."

In 2007, she published a memoir with the sassy title "My First Five Husbands ... and the Ones Who Got Away."

.....

NOW THAT JUST LEAVES BETTY WHITE- REST IN PEACE RUE- YOU WERE A FUNNY LADY AND I ENJOYED YOUR WORK.

Right click here to see the KTLA story on her sudden passing.

McGAY McDONALDS FRENCH AD

You know I have always thought that Ronald McDonald was the Richard Simmons of the fast food mascot world and today, at least in France, old Ron rolls out a commercial with gay people in it.

No they are not showing off their Big Macs but finally there is some kind of mainstream...again albeit French...advertisement that doesn't exclude us gay folk.

Every commercial we see on mainstream TV shows happy, hetero people- as if we don't exist. From fast food commercials to the ones that sell you the pills to get you a better- or at least less flacid stiffy it all is directed to straight people.

Never mind that most gay males have disposable incomes with no kids to support and that our shopping dollars make up for a huge percentage of retail sales in America, the mainstream TV in the USA just cannot bring themselves to show gays in any of their ads...yeah we don't eat, or buy a god damn thing do we homophobic America/

We just suck cock 24/7...oh and ruin heterosexual marriages when we want equal partnership rights!

Anyhow Bravo McDonald's in France...here is the commercial: