THE BIG DOUBLE STANDARD

DICTIONARY. COM defines Double Standard as "any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another."

In some earlier posts here I talked about the double-standard many twinks in the business have when it comes to basing things on looks, wealth and what will make them look good in the eyes of their peers. In other words, from what I have seen and experienced these guys will bend over backwords- sometimes literally- for a rich daddy that can afford to please them and buy the gym body but will just use people like me when we are a last resort.

Today on the Borderboys blog I reviewed a scene with my all time favorite Helix performer Nick Angels and I said that if there was one guy that I would be obsessed with it would be Nick.

The rest I have met have met let me in and some led me on into believing the "love" we shared was that of close family members.

It is bad enough when people tell these twinks all sorts of shit- like some of the things I have heard that these guys do not realize I hear like "what do you want to be involved with that old man for?".but it is worse when one with a guilty conscious, who does not have the balls to stand up to what people think he should do and be falls into the trap set by those who really do not give a damn and throw away real love and compassion.

And I am not talking here about adult performers exclusively. Over the years I have seen the hearts ripped out of youth, again as I stated in an earlier piece here, by these fabulous older men with money, condos and the gym bodies while they fucked themselves by ditching the average guy who had his heart and motivations in the right place.

Anyhow I am really sick of the double standards with people lately. I warned people on the post today not to mail in with smart ass comments on how silly it is for a man my age being attracted to a guy Nick's age (he is 22 now btw).

Now I am not sure how it is for females but I know men my age, that are straight, that start dating- or even crushing over a female in their 20's and they are usually patted on the back by their peers.

Yet when it is someone my age that suggests that he finds a model like Nick beautiful, charming and engaging people act as if it is some mortal sin.

And that is not only straight people that do that- twinks do that as well...again unless it is someone of wealth or who has the ability to buy the 20 year old body. I have seen gay twinks make absolutely horrid comments about men who like certain models and yet they themselves will chase after big and buff- and wealthy men the same age as the one they mock themselves to further their career or to live up to the expectations others put on them.

It is really pitiful that there is such a double standard because what ends up happening is many of these guys gain no real concept about what love really is. Love to them is someone pandering to their whims or making them look good in public and that is sad as I pointed out last week here.

What is even worse is when I have one of these people lamenting to me about how badly, unfairly or unjustly someone else treated them when they tried to be a loving friend or even a boyfriend and then turn around and do the same god damn thing they whined to me about to others- or even me. If that is not the epitome of the phrase double standard I don't know what else is.

Back to Nick...(the pics are from some of my favorite scenes he did at Helix)...

I didn't have the space to elaborate on the other blog so I just want to make things perfectly clear here. I am really not obsessed with Nick Angels- or anyone for that matter. There is a big difference between being obsessed and either admiring someone's work or if they have told you they love you as well wanting to be part of their world on a daily basis- not just when it is convenient or it can be kept secret for appearances sake.

The point I was trying to make on the other blog was that if I was the type to get obsessed to any human being or performer it would have been Nick. For my tastes in my personal life, especially when I was his age he is perfect. His ethnic background is appealing, his body is awesome and I love guys that are shorter than me.

Away from the physical, even though I just had a short chat with him when I met Nick last year I found him to be adorable, sincere and very forthright. Incredibly polite I found him to be charming and a very smart young man.

Those are all the qualities I like in a guy- but it isn't an obsession. I haven't mailed him or spoke with him since last year. It is more of a testament to the kind of guy he is and his talent as a performer.

So no- Chucky does not get obsessed over twinks. My life, my day and my world does not depend on talking to any of them. But Chucky also has feelings- again it is forgotten or simply dismissed by younger people that we older folks have feelings too and when someone fucks with our heads or hearts it hurts deeply as well.

What is the point of this post?

Well first to clarify what I wrote- I love the work Nick has done and really enjoyed chatting with him off the set but I am really not an obsessed fan.

Second to say that I have reached a limit with double standards- whether it has to do with societal double standards or those sometimes thrust upon my by so called friends and acquaintances.

I may not be rich, I may not be young, I may not have the gym body, and I may not live like a king in a million dollar condo but I am a damn good person who would rather slit his own wrists than intentionally betray a trust or hurt someone I care about intentionally.

But there comes a time when one has to say enough of the double standards. I have seen this played out with three different people in my life over the past month.

I have reached my limit of trying to be nice just for the sake of being an honest and caring person only to have efforts thrown in my face or blown off.

I have reached my limit of allowing myself to be manipulated into believing things only to find out that what I was led to believe is not true at all- you may not realize it but it sucks knowing some people use you as a last resort and I just won't stand for that any more in friendships or on a professional level.

I have had enough of trying to be the friend indeed to a friend in need only to be excommunicated when things get sorted out or they decide...let me repeat that...they decide that they have no more use for me until the next time.

Maybe this post- aside from making sure no one spins what I said about Nick is a self-affirmation post to myself.

I am a good person and I do not have to look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle or anything else to meet someone's approval. I will not settle anymore and in the coming months I am going to weed out the real friends from those who are fair weather ones.

You can take that to the bank for sure because I deserve better.



And yes for me I think Nick is and was one of the most sensual and sexy models ever cast at Helix...no apologies for that as well!