HUNG 13-YEAR-OLD

Before I head over to Borderboys and do the daily post I had to come to my personal blog...which I know I have neglected...and share a couple of things with you all.

Yesterday was the 12th anniversary of the brutal murder of Matthew Sheppard and twelve years later the country seems to have ignored the plight of bullied kids- especially gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered youth.

When Matthew was murdered and then again a couple of years ago when Lawrence Kind was shot at school by a boy he asked to be his Valentine the news media jumps on the bandwagon and for a week or two everyone is all about ending the mental abuse, via bullying and homophobic attacks, of teenagers forced to walk into the lions den which normally is their school.

In a recent Huffington Post article, here, the writer of the piece starts out by mentioning 13-year-old, self-identified gay teen named Seth Walsh- who after internalizing daily attacks...mostly mental and emotional, from homophobic peers he hung himself on a tree in the family's back yard. (Right click here to see the LA Times story).

Here is how the Huffington Post piece starts:

"Last month, a gentle 13-year-old boy named Seth Walsh went out to the backyard of his house in the small town of Tehachapi, California, and hung himself.

His mother Wendy knew that he was being bullied and harassed because he was gay, but what could she do?

School officials did nothing to intervene, and claim to this day that there was no problem. There was no local chapter of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays to support her, and no LGBT organizations had any presence in her small town.

All Wendy could do was tell Seth she loved him-- but that wasn't enough."

Aside from the lack of bullying laws and the fact that parents of children who are taught that it alright to bash a queer are not held accountable there is another big problem that twelve years after Matthew Sheppard and weeks after this gentle soul took his own life that seems to be ignored in my opinion.

Before I elaborate please watch this before we continue...



This story made headlines, as have a slew of other suicides by gay teens in the past few weeks. There are also kids that survive like the young man in the Huffington Post story...you really need to go watch the video report on that as well.

There are calls by gay activists groups, celebrities and others for stricter bullying laws and other measures to attempt to help kids like Seth.

But what is never addressed is homophobia when it comes to who should be there to help young gay teens like this boy.

I know of no where in the United States where there is a gay adult male mentoring program for gay teens and their families. These kids can talk to professionals- many times hetero but excepting themselves. But the gay teen really never has...unless they are on of the few and far between that have an adult gay family member- another adult male mentor...preferably ones like me that suffered years of abuse by homophobic peers in junior and senior high school and survived.

You may ask yourself, why is that?

Well it goes hand in hand with the same homophobia that other teens use to bash gay teens. There is this conception that if a gay male is involved with gay youth there is immediately something sexual involved in the older adult males mind. You don't find this type of stereotypical thinking in other situations.

And because of this thinking many gay males, who were survivors of teenage abuse by homophobic bullies, care about kids like Seth but hide in the shadows because there is no organization or mentor program that I know of for gay teens suffering homophobic abuse in the home or at school.

Yes there is Big Brothers but that does not focus on specifically pairing up young gay teens with adult "big brothers' that can not only be an advisor, mentor and advocate for the kid but also for the family as well.

Remember in the case of Seth, according to the Huffington Post story, the school officials claimed there was no problem and did nothing. She had absolutely no affirmative helping organization to turn to.

Ask yourself- if Seth had been afforded the luxury many straight teens have of mentorship would this kid have lost hope and hung himself on a tree and subsequently ended his life at age 13?

I think he would still be here. But when these kids have no one to talk to that really understands the heart-wrenching pain they are silently suffering from inside it sits like a cancer inside until...like in the sad case of Seth Walsh and the tragic case of Lawrence King it ends in a life lost too young and for no good reason.

I could not counsel a teenage mother properly- I could emphathize with her strugglebut since I biologically could have never been a teenage mother I have no practical frame of reference to draw from to offer support and advice.

Conversely I was an emotionally abused gay teenager- outed at age twelve...constantly intimidated and harassed until I exploded and put a stop to it in 11th grade- so I know every single thing this boy was feeling before he hung himself.

Saddness, dispair, helplessness, bewilderment, low self esteem asnd self worth just to name a few. With kids like Seth it not only is the overt bullying- the name calling and the ntimidation. Body language of peers and family play an imnportant role in creating the dispondancy many of these gay kids have today.

Even as an adult body language is the number one thing I look for in people and what, as in a current life case, brings sadness to my heart. You can tell when someone goes through the motions just for show.

Something in your soul knows it.

A gay teen can tell when he is being placated by people because they have to and not because it is done with love and understanding- they are not as stupid or unaware as we think.

In my life as a teen I knew when people would say they cared and understood because they felt obligated or they were doing it for show. In my adult life I see that a lot as well. One person I know hugs all over my boyfriend- I know he truly loves him and he shows it. I am told I am equally loved and valued yet the person's body language tells a different story.

I watch the way he is with my partner...open and freely expressing love and affection and yet with me is it to the point where I have to beg for the affection. When a hug or a show of the "love" that is ptrofessed actually occurs it is quick and the person pulls away. Any initmate discussions have the person cringing and making faces that he obviously cannot see- but my partner has and he sees the difference as well.

So the point of that story is people that have been emotionally abused in their lives can tell by the body language of others what lies behind the surface and facade- and yes when you dincerely do love the other person it does tear your heart out knowing that you are being placated and played like a fiddle.

What does this have to do with Seth and gay adult mentors?

That is just one thing that a ga adult mentor can do for a gay youth- teach them how to recognize who really loves and supports them and who, for whatever reason does it for show. Because when it gets down to the wire for any of us we want tobe certain that we turn to those who mean what they say through actins and not words.

But until there is a change in thinking- straight societies idea that all gay adult males want to get into the pants of gay youth and gay male adults get a pair of balkls and start stepping up to the plate to help kids like Seth we will continue to see suicides, murders or at best the death of the sould of young people who would otherwise turn out to be great humans beings if people would just learn acceptence andmind thjeir own fucking business in this world.

That's the thoughts I have on this today...I will try to write more this werek and will close with the news report about Seth's memorial service below.




Further reading- A GAY TEEN'S SUICIDE NOTE