TOP 5 HELIX PERFORMERS

On my formspring someone asked me who the top 5 Helix stars of all time are. A couple of names come to mind such as Aaron Tyler, Tommy Anders and Jesse Starr...but I need to take some time to think about a top 5 list.

I can say that AARON TYLER would be my number 1 and that is not just because we are close friends.

I can tell you that it was Aaron Tyler that got me interested in the videos Helix was producing way back when. Maybe it was the impish cuteness or the big balls that caught my eye...or maybe the perfect bubble butt...but I do clearly remember being an Aaron Tyler fan first and foremost when I started buying Helix videos.

In fact the first Helix video I bought was Twink Juice 2 and then Bareback Pickup.

Flash forward six years now and I still have to pinch myself to think that less than 20 feet away the twink that defined the word "twink" and the object of many good wanks back then is sleeping here peacefully as I write this.

It seems sort of surreal that 4 years ago I was watching him on video and today in the present he is a close friend and I have actually filmed a scene or two with him topping and bottoming. You can see one of the scenes I filmed on his X-tube site here.

So yes, I would have to put him at the top of a best of Helix list.

As far as who the top 5 Helix performers of all time goes I am sure different people will have different performers in their top 5 but you have to include Aaron it it because he was the face of twink when that word started being used a lot 4 years ago.

Before I close today I want to mention one other thing about Aaron Tyler.

For years now there has been a nasty rumor going around about Aaron being HIV positive.

THAT SIMPLY IS NOT TRUE.

How do I know?

This year at San Diego Pride I watched as he got an HIV test- from start to finish I observed the process- and he came out 100% HIV NEGATIVE.

I have it on film and as soon as I get it off my camera and edited into one film I will add it to this post.

So in the meantime if you hear any bullshit about him being positive consider it just that because I saw with my own eyes his actual test results!

A PINKBERRY FOR DAVID

Remember David Archuleta from American Idol in 2008?

The giggly little twink that made millions of teenage girls go through multiple pairs of panties (boys too I assume).

Well I was catching up on some back reading of the advocate online today and came across this piece about him back in April:

"American Idol season 7 star David Archuleta is denying speculation that he is gay after being spotted at a gay nightclub.

He claims to have gone to the New York City club to see his dance-artist friend Charice perform before grabbing some Pinkberry, according to his Twitter page."

OK, let's stop there for a second- Pinkberry? Ok if you like that joint it doesn't mean you are gay but I just find it amusing since our Pinkberry in San Diego is smack dab in the middle of gay Hillcrest!

"His flurry of tweets in reaction talk on Twitter attempted to let fans know that he is not actually gay. One tweet explains, "NO worries all, I wouldn't get into things like that intentionally haha" and another says, "I just didn't want you guys to be worried, so had to let you guys know the facts!"

Ok so what would they be worried about? His record company- his legion of screaming female fans- THAT DAVID IS A COCKSUCKER!

Tell me what that really has to do with being a performer? Well nothing to me but to the people that sell his stuff to the masses, don't ask don't tell wont even work. One thing that I hate is when you see a celebrity like this that you know- if it wasn't for fame and, in his case, religious shame preaching (he is a Mormon) he would be out.

Let's take a look at his tweets.

His tweets on the matter (oldest to newest):

Hey guys just wanted to clear something up real quick lol. Last night in New York I got invited to go and see my friend Charice perform.. [link]

Mental note to self: always ask where before you go! Wasn’t my kind of place lol, and I had no clue! I guess you live and learn. The.. [link]

LET'S STOP HERE FOR A SECOND...THIS GUY IS A PRETTY MAJOR RECORDING ARTIST AND THESE PEOPLE HAVE PEOPLE THAT TELL THEM WHEN TO EAT, WHEN TO FART AND CERTAINLY TELL THEM ABOUT THE PLACES THEY ARE MAKING APPEARANCES AT. UNLESS HE RAN AWAY ON HIS OWN I REALLY FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT HE HAD NO CLUE! I THINK HE KNEW WHAT TYPE OF JOINT IT WAS BUT DIDN'T EXPECT HIS FANS TO TRIP OUT ABOUT HIM GOING TO A GAY CLUB TO SEE CHARICE PERFORM.

More of his tweets-

upside was that Clarice was awesome, and she has an incredible voice. Hope that clears things up! Been seeing some of the tweets.. sheesh! [link]

Can get crazy quick. NO worries all, I wouldn’t get into things like that intentionally haha. Hope you guys have a good Sunday! [link]

GET INTO THINGS LIKE THAT? WHAT STEPPING FOOT INSIDE A CLUB FULL OF QUEERS- MANY OF WHOM HAVE BOUGHT YOUR DEBUT CD?

@kahlidalbow Back home . Spending time with the family! I just didn’t want you guys to be worried so had to let you guys know the facts! [link]

WORRIED THAT HE IS A COCKSUCKER I GUESS- I SUPPOSE HIS MUSIC WOULD SUDDENLY SUCK ASS TO ALL THESE PANTY-WET GIRLS IF HE EVER DID COME OUT- HYPOCRITES.

@DebVaFOD Thanks a bunch! Charice is great and she didn’t mean to cause any harm haha. She apologized a lot after. She’s way nice lol. [link]

WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR? ALMOST GETTING HIM OUTED?

@hamghost I have friends who are gay, and they’re great people. Whether they’re gay or not doesn’t change how I think of them. [link]

@hamghost I have nothing against anyone, I’m sorry if that’s how it came across. I’m just not into the partying scene lol. [link]

SOMEONE CURIOUSLY MUST HAVE READ HIS BEADS- WHILE TRYING TO EASE THE FEARS OF HOMOPHOBIC FEMALE FANS ARCHIE CAME OFF AS A HOMOPHOBE HIMSELF! WHOOPS!

SO NOW IT WASN'T THE FACT THAT IT WAS A GAY CLUB BUT A CLUB IN GENERAL...OK...AND IF HE LIKES GAY PEOPLE SO MUCH, AND REALLY ISN'T A SCREAMING BOTTOM QUEEN,HOW COME HE WASN'T BOOKED AT ANY GAY PRIDE EVENT OR SHOWED SUPPORT IN A PARADE?

@officialcharice Aw haha thanks Charice! Sorry for causing any problems, I know you didn’t mean to cause any confusion [link]

Now what is the point of all this besides showing you how gay teen performers are shoved into the closet?...ok I don't know if he is gay or bi for a fact but my gaydar is pretty accurate and it dings like a four alarm fire bell when I see him.

Someone asked me last week why I like Danny Noriega, who was also on the show that year and who I twit to from time to time.

Long story short, Mama Fluff and I watched Idol that year because a local gal Carly Smithson- who was actually our waitress when we ate at The Field restaurant before she got on the show was in the competition.

The added bonus was Danny. Both Mama Fluff and I agreed that he had a lot of talent and that we thought he was unique for being himself on the show.

What I don't get though is why this person is not signed to a record deal yet. I mean come on folks- campy stereotype Adam Lambert has a record deal and Danny is a better singer than him in my opinion so what the fuck?

I think Ellen DeGeneres, who just started her own record label should give this guy a chance to do an album. He doesn't have to be campy like Lambert to sell records he just has to sing as good as he does.

Earlier this year he released a signal, that you can listen to and buy here on Amazon.

It is really a good song and I think it is time someone steps up to the plate and gives this guy what he deserves.

Twinky Archuleta came in second to a guy named David Cook who had a horridly screechy voice. Archie would have won but the voters (and people on the show) that thought having a gay - or perceived gay American Idol was a bad idea made sure he came in second even though he was the better singer in the end.

No offense against Archuleta but I think when he gets older and the teenage girls they market him to grow up and their is a new made to be straight twinky on the block we will see this guy do a Ricky Martin.

Meanwhile, if given the chance, Danny Noriega will continue to be himself and entertain for years.

I just may start the petition campaign to get Ellen to sign Danny to a record deal..not because he is gay but because he is a great singer and entertainer and he is the epitome of what gay pride is.

Being proud of who and what you are even if it means watching others fly past you because they can convince brain dead drooling females and straight males that they are just as much of a straight as they are.

I like Archuleta's music but his statements about gays sound like those that many in the closet make- I have no trouble with gay people, I have gay friends but it would be awful if I was one. But I guess in our world one has to do what they have to do to be a sucess because the music industry generally doesn't like us queers unless we are stereotypes like Adam Lambert and they certainly frown on openly gay teens being on TV or being signed to record deals- because only straight people buy CD's and watch TV, right?

Here is one of Archie's new songs...





He sang this but if he believes the lyrics why did he apologize for being in a gay club when I bet a lot of gays bought his music and voted for him because they thought he was cute.

MEET MAMA FLUFF

A bunch of my Borderboys blog readers asked me to post a pic of my partner so here he is-presenting "Mama Fluff"

He was given that name by Aaron Tyler while we were with him filming because he was pressed into duty when an emergency fluffing was needed.

Anyhow we just celebrated our 8th anniversary together yesterday!

Beyond debuting him- he may have a blog up soon as well- I want to publicly wish him a happy anniversary and thank him for being the one constant in my life for the last 8 years.

No matter whether times have been good or bad he has been here for me and it is probably the best and most satisfying partnership I have had in my lifetime.

People with closed minds don't understand him some of the times but those who see beyond what is tangible on earth usually like him a lot- probably better than me- because of his kind...and less abrasive nature...I can be a bit blunt and that turns people that cannot handle truth off sometimes.



So I love you Mama Fluff- thanks for 8 wonderful years and here is hoping the next eight are as satisfying as the first!

FREE SPEECH OR HATE SPEECH?

I came across a piece today about an issue that is cropping up Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis and is an issue that pops out it's vile head at most Gay Pride events.

The article asks, "Must an expressive association that paid for a permit in a public park to advance its message include someone using the event to convey an opposing message? Specifically, must an anti-gay preacher and others be allowed to condemn homosexuality in signs and literature by roaming the permit grounds of a gay-pride celebration?"

It goes on to say...

"This year, an anti-gay activist and preacher named Brian Johnson and his family have insisted that they be given access to the permit grounds during the hours of the festival in order to display signs, distribute literature, and personally counsel attendees with an opposing message: that homosexuality is sinful and must be condemned rather than accepted. Johnson was arrested for trespass last year after he confronted some festival-goers with his message of repentance and condemnation."

Now let's think a minute.

For any other type of event- that shows say ethnic pride people would be outraged if some sick son of a bitches, in the name of their idea of what a god is, had signs saying stuff like "Niggers are God's Mistake" or "God Hates Mexicans".

There would be a public outcry- chances are angry participants would start a riot or at least beat the hell out of the freaks.

But when it comes to us gay folk- especially here in San Diego we just hold our signs and no one has the balls to stand up to these people.

Let me take you back to 1969- when the first protests started the people involved were instructed to dress mainstream- long dresses and suits and ties. They were told no matter what act peacefully and respectfully...until gay folk had enough of the abuse and the Stonewall Riot occurred. That event in New York City sparked some change that we all benefit from in the present day.

The trouble is that now days it seems we have the same sort of people organization the Pride events..and even the people who organized the NO H8 campaign here with that peace nick mentally that did nothing to affect change prior to the Stonewall riot in 1969.

Those of us in California saw how affective not taking the bully (the Mormon Church and other backers of Prop 8) worked for us. Our right to buy a state issued marriage license was taken away.

Don't you think it is about time we start standing up for ourselves- whether it means taking on a neighbor or family member one on one or a taking on the religious freaks that come to our events to preach hate? The organizers think it makes us look good in the press by being civil, polite and non-confrontational but it does not. It makes us looks like the scared little faggots time and time again- shut up and put in our place as second class citizens in a country where there is supposed to be "liberty and justice for all" whether you fuck an ass or a vagina.

As far as the piece is concerned I am all for free speech and people to have their first amendment right but when does free speech turn into hate speech?

The first amendment says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

No where in that bill of rights does it say you can twist the words of Jesus Christ around and use it to promote hate, violence and discrimination against a segment of the population you either fear or simply cannot accept in your own world.

I have been at a lot of events where these sick bastards march around with their anti-gay signs and no one- no one dares to take on these people- we are just too nice.

But just like the bully in school the sickness- that is Christian Fundamentalism (it is a sickness and for some a real addiction...these people border on delusional) - will continue to bully until the victim stands up to them. It does not mean having a rational discussion- these people are so insane that they truly believe that because they keep their small minds stuck in that book of theirs that they are the ones that God loves.

Trouble is these freaks end up playing God more than listening to their God...so I think their God just shakes his or her head and plugs his ears...they always say we are going to hell but they seem to forget what the man they name themselves after cautioned them against- "Judge not lest you be judged".

Back to the bully- until the victim takes a risk...in a school kids case it might be getting expelled for taking on a bully and in the adult would arrest for civil disobedience...the bully will continue on.

So if these people are allowed to march around that Pride event- or even at ours next month gay folk have abig choice to make. Let them continue being the bully and spewing out hate disguised as some sort of religion that is based on nothing but their own fears and prejudices or to finally take on the bully.

Thousands attend the Gay Pride event here in San Diego. I am sure a boat load will be at the Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis so how about this time people get a set of balls and simply run these freakish bastards out of the event.

I don't condone random violence but there have been many times when I just wanted to take the sign of one of these God Hates fags freaks and beat the living shit out of them with it.

Not because I get my jollies hurting another human being but because I know- from personal experience as a teen and from the stories I have heard and read about in my lifetime how their twisted religion, there ability to get away with publicly promoted hate and violence against a certain segment of the population

It is about time we- as a so-called community do whatever it takes to shut up these bastards. Yes in their fake churches they can preach what they want but it goes beyond just crossing boundaries and invading gay events.

The messages of hate towards gays- based on crap written by MEN over 2000 YEARS AGO leads to daily abuse of teenage children in schools and homes. It leads to gay bashing at work or worse physical attacks in the street.

It leads homophobes to believe they have the god given right to mentally, physically and psychologically abuse fellow human beings.

Allowing these people with our silence, inaction or especially complacency leads to gay teens wanting to kill themselves...out of shame and fear. Now you tell me where Jesus said to his followers to go around and play God so you can humiliate, torture and abuse another human being just because you do not like what they are?

And letting these sign carrying freaks hold sway in America while we sit back with flowers in our hair, yelling our well rehearsed chants without taking them on in an aggressive way can lead to what happened back in 2008.

I will leave you with the clip from Ellen...this would have never happened if people like this freak that wants to be let into the Gay Pride Festival in Minneapolis didn't use their fake religion to convince this boy's killer that God would appreciate that more than letting a faggot live in peace.

It is time for a change...let's find our balls people.




Think about it.

RANDOM ROXY

Since I brought up Roxy Red yesterday I thought I would share a little something about him here this evening since I have nothing better to do...well I do but obviously I am not included in fun things...but that is a different post.

At the end of this one I am posting the latest video Roxy did on his YouTube page.

I just had to do this post for two reasons.

First I want you all to know that this is the funny and absolutely wonderful young man I have come to know this year. Sadly we are in separate parts of San Diego now so I don't get to see him too often but this is Roxy at his best.

I rarely meet people with a brilliant sense of humor like his and I remember earlier this year being on random adventures just like in his video. The most benign things were turned into a laugh a minute. When I am dowen I think about those times and smile to myself.

But I want to make something else clear.

As you saw in yesterday's post there are a lot of dumb ass people out there and I am sure one idiot will not understand that he is in Roxy Red character in this video and he and his friend are being random and silly. There is a huge difference between the character of Roxy Red and the real person I have come to know. Just like my Chucky Baer character is way different from who I really am in my real world so it is with Roxy.

So just to make it clear- He does not sell his ass on a street corner- he was just acting.

So if you hear anyone running around saying Roxy Red is a street corner whore slap them on the head with a dumb stick.

He is a talented,witty and compassionate human being and I can't thank him enough for making me laugh today...today especially I needed a good one.

You can find Roxy on his blog, his twitter and or his MySpace page (he accepts fans there).

Here's the video:

DEAR DUMB ASS

Don't you hate stupid people? Seems like both Roxy Red and I are getting the same dumbass on our formspring!

This anonymous person- who clearly cannot read well asked me this:

"do u think its up to the studios to test models or should the models get themselves tested for std`s"

This was my response:

That depends- I think if someone is using their body in their work off screen they should be health conscious. Don't be bare backing in the private life and then try and blame a studio because you come up with something.

So new models should make sure they are clean before they sign a contract and agree to do a film or scene. So yes initially I think it is up to the model. It should be required before they are hired. Also I see no reason why a new model cannot get an HIV test as well prior to shooting.

Many cities offer free testing. If you get hired in medicine at a hospital you have to get Hepatitis shots, a CPR card and other things. The employer and hospital doesn't pay for it the applicant does so why should it be different with porn studios?

If a studio has an applicant that just could not get an HIV or STD screening then they should help them but these are all adults- even if they are 18. The studio is an employer not a babysitter.

Out of that the dumb as said to Roxy that I don't care if models have STD's or about the health.

So just to clarify I do care- but I think that since everyone is supposed to be grown up in porn I see no reason models THAT ARE NEW should not be to get their own HIV and STD screening. The studio is not responsible for what they did before they became an employee.

Now that doesn't mean I don't care, dumb ass.

What it means is that models should take some responsibility as well. If a model is under exclusive contract then perhaps the studio should test them routinely. But most people get HIV tested every 6 months. Most models stick around for a weekend and usually are back within that same 6 month period.

Now had this person asked a logical question instead of a vague one that was purposely designed to get me to answer so this dumb ass could twist my words than I may have had a different answer.

If he or she had asked if I thought that models should be able to see the health records, HIV tests and other pertinent information about the person they were going to have sex with in the scene I would have said absolutely. I think that all studios should make that available to models.

So here we have another dumb ass that clearly cannot read English- I made my position clear in the answer and never said that I do not care about the models being tested for STD's.

I think it is a 2 way street- while studios have the responsibility to make sure testing is done- either by having applicants bring recent tests to the first shoot or helping them get to a free clinic locally I also believe the models should act responsibly in their private lives in bed.

And I don't think is that is wrong to say. If one uses his body for work and exposes it to others than he should take care to play safe, avoid heavy drug use- be it Mary Jane, alcohol or heavier drugs so there is no worry of STD's.

But again- this question was asked just to give the dumb ass an opportunity to twisty my words.

Let's get this straight- my blog is about porn reviews...it is not about gossip or what I think certain studios should or shouldn't do.

If I owned my own studio I would take my guys to the clinic and test them myself just to avoid liability. I cannot say what I think others should do because I have a peripheral frame of reference.

But I will say that this person probably has heard hearsay- second hand info from disgruntled performers...usually the truth is blurred by anger by these people and there is always two sides to all stories and that is why I don't get into talking about shit like this.

So the next time you want to ask me a question like this- to entrap me or twist my words- DON'T.



AND FOR THE RECORD I SAW KEITH MILLER YESTERDAY AND HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH ROXY RED SO LET'S PUT THE RUMOR ABOUT BEING FIRED TO REST.

INTO THE LENS

Before I started the Borderboys post this morning I had to do a quick post here. Some of the reader comments I am getting are really great and I wanted to share part of one reader David Michael...who writes the DAVID IN THE VALLEY blog wrote so eloquently:

It is a major double standard and it honestly does not help when a "twink" uses his charm, sex appeal, looks, body to get "What he wants" then when the well dries out, he moves on and doesn't give you the time of day.

Not all of us middle-aged gay men are wealthy. But, we all do have feelings!!

Not all of us are out to "get the next twink". Some of us just are real genuine people who are only looking for pure friendship - nothing more - nothing less.

And it does sadden me that twinks of today don't want anything to do with you unless you have money or are in some other type of position to help them.

They also seem to forget that in about 20 years, they are also going to be a middle-aged gay man. I have noticed on twitter, that a lot of the twinks have some major drama.

Always talking smack about someone else. You DM them or tweet them and they do not even have the common respect to answer you.

They only complain to others that some "old creepy guy" is bothering me. Some of them take genuine friendly comments or what have you as "oh know, they want something, I had better stay away".


UNLESS DAVID...like I said before in earlier posts you look like the dude in that picture above.

And I am not making it up. I see how men that look like that, who are fortunate enough to have the metabolism or the physical ability to work out three times a week (I really have tried myself but with the Chronic Fatigue and the constant muscular pain on normal days doing that makes me feel like a truck ran over me), are treated compared to someone that looks like me.

The message that rings loud and clear is that you are only worthy of love and the same respect you try to give if you look great on the outside.

And that is really sad.

We actually do have feelings...and yes I have heard the same people that reeled me in and who convinced me the "love"- paternal on my part was mutual tell me about how others have hurt them in the past by doing exactly what they do to me or other middle age men. So it is bad when someone rips their heart out but since we are old bastards it doesn't matter.

Now not all twinks are like that. Roxy Red comes to mind. I have known him since the beginning of the year and both my partner and I think of him as extended family. Not once has he played any games or disrespected me- he has been sincere and has been genuinely a good person.

Same with Aaron Tyler. Although Aaron and I had a business disagreement a while back he has always been a friend...no matter what people say to him and no matter what others tell me they think about him he has been sincere. He probably is the one person in the business that immediately included me- no questions asked, no concern over how I looked or how it looked with him hanging out with me...just real friendship and a real concern for my feelings as well.

But most are conditioned to believe that us older people just want something from them as you said, David.


The fact of the matter is that most middle aged gay men, whether they deny it to themselves or not, naturally possess paternal instincts. Especially if you are a guy like me that actually, albeit accidentally made and subsequently lost to disease a biological child of your own...exactly one month from today it will be 8 years since he passed away from the terminal lymphatic cancer.


If you had a teenage life like mine- where there was no older gay male mentor to help me through the almost daily rough spots (remember I was outed in a town of 34,000 people when I was 12)- you grow up naturally wanting to give youth something you never had. At least that is how it works for me- I had no one as a young adult- aside from the people that wanted me in bed...back when I had the youthful look and tight body. Young people do not understand that some of us get real joy out of being there and especially seeing youth that are troubled pulling through the mire of shit they are in and coming through it like a champ.

I think the reason I do what I do is not to make the younger person into a substitute for my son but to carry on for him. What a lot of people do not know is that before he passed away, one of the last things he asked of me was to take care of other boys like him-he came out as gay to me when he was 11.

In other words my son, nearly on his death bed, asked me to help other young people so I would not want to give up and die myself. For years now I have tried to keep that promise I made to him.

But I don't know if I can do it anymore. I can't deal with people saying they love and care until they find a convenient excuse not to. They just do not have the ability to look in the mirror at themselves and if they do they certainly do not have the skills or the ability to own up to their behaviors...instead they just disappear and meanwhile the person that allowed themselves to care and give a damn are left wondering why with their heart in their hands,

For most it is not their faults - it is how they are conditioned these days.

Reader Linda sent in this wonderful e-mail which sums up the problem with people...both older gay men and twinks not really understanding what love and interpersonal relationships that are all based on give and take entail...I will leave you today with her e-mail comment:

I just read your blog post, "Your Own Worst Enemy". In my opinion, things will get worse long before they get better. The problem is that our technology has moved much more quickly than our ability to internalize it. We can instantly message people all over the planet, and stick our noses into EVERYTHING at will.

In my day, when you wanted to meet people, you had to get dressed and LEAVE THE HOUSE! And PHYSICALLY interact with them! Face to Face, for the love of God...Imagine such a thing today...Now, you just 'log on' to whatever site and post away to people you have NEVER met and most likely will not. You can say WHATEVER you want, and disappear, just like that. We have no investment in our social contacts anymore.

The technology gives us the ability to have that kind of instant communication, but it doesn't tell us how to use it. Everything moves so fast, as soon as you learn one thing, it's obsolete and you have to start over again. Younger people who grow up with this technology often don't even learn what an actual person-to-person friendship IS.

So, of course people become afraid to let anyone in. They are simply reacting in self-protective interest. When a part of the body is over-stimulated, it is natural to form a kind of 'callous'. That's all this is. A social 'callous' we are forming in response to the hyper-stimulation our technology has given us. We are all walling ourselves off, like cysts.

I say it will get worse before better, because people aren't learning how to properly interact anymore. It's all becoming "Tweets" and brief little FB messages and 'texts' on cell phones...nobody really TALKS anymore. And yet, they have more opportunities than at any time in history!

People don't read, they don't write, unless they HAVE to. And their day-to-day communications are being reduced to brief snatches of stuff online. The language we use to communicate with each other is being reduced. Since we think in our native languages, any reduction in language skills is going to affect our ability to form coherent thought! This should scare the HELL out of anyone!

George Orwell's 1984 seems more prophetic as time goes on. This is EXACTLY the strategy used by Big Brother to control the population. Reduce their ability to communicate and to even form thoughts, by restricting and reducing language itself.

Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent there. But this kind of environment is going to affect the people in it. While it seems cold, it is actually only reflecting what we put into it. The same technology that allows us to vote for the next American Idol could help eliminate much world poverty.

But, we opted for the QVC channel instead...

Ah well, what can you do? But that's what it is, Chucky. It's the technology. We, as a species, haven't had the chance to adapt to the changes. Look at past innovations, like the horse-drawn plow. People had TIME to adapt and deal with the new invention. Nowadays? We get new inventions ALL THE TIME. When you do that to people, you fuck them up in the head.

Read Future Shock by Toffler, it describes the psychological effects of this "pulling the rug out".

It's little wonder people lack the basic social skills they need to get along with each other, and because I don't see any improvement soon, I think it will get worse before it gets better.

Sadly that is so true...to all readers feel free to express your opinions here...t5he comments are open but remember they are pending approval so they will not appear until I approve them.

Here is a song from YES...from the year when Trevor Horn did the lead vocals instead of Jon Anderson (older people that know the band will know what I am talking about) called Into The Lens.

THE BIG DOUBLE STANDARD

DICTIONARY. COM defines Double Standard as "any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another."

In some earlier posts here I talked about the double-standard many twinks in the business have when it comes to basing things on looks, wealth and what will make them look good in the eyes of their peers. In other words, from what I have seen and experienced these guys will bend over backwords- sometimes literally- for a rich daddy that can afford to please them and buy the gym body but will just use people like me when we are a last resort.

Today on the Borderboys blog I reviewed a scene with my all time favorite Helix performer Nick Angels and I said that if there was one guy that I would be obsessed with it would be Nick.

The rest I have met have met let me in and some led me on into believing the "love" we shared was that of close family members.

It is bad enough when people tell these twinks all sorts of shit- like some of the things I have heard that these guys do not realize I hear like "what do you want to be involved with that old man for?".but it is worse when one with a guilty conscious, who does not have the balls to stand up to what people think he should do and be falls into the trap set by those who really do not give a damn and throw away real love and compassion.

And I am not talking here about adult performers exclusively. Over the years I have seen the hearts ripped out of youth, again as I stated in an earlier piece here, by these fabulous older men with money, condos and the gym bodies while they fucked themselves by ditching the average guy who had his heart and motivations in the right place.

Anyhow I am really sick of the double standards with people lately. I warned people on the post today not to mail in with smart ass comments on how silly it is for a man my age being attracted to a guy Nick's age (he is 22 now btw).

Now I am not sure how it is for females but I know men my age, that are straight, that start dating- or even crushing over a female in their 20's and they are usually patted on the back by their peers.

Yet when it is someone my age that suggests that he finds a model like Nick beautiful, charming and engaging people act as if it is some mortal sin.

And that is not only straight people that do that- twinks do that as well...again unless it is someone of wealth or who has the ability to buy the 20 year old body. I have seen gay twinks make absolutely horrid comments about men who like certain models and yet they themselves will chase after big and buff- and wealthy men the same age as the one they mock themselves to further their career or to live up to the expectations others put on them.

It is really pitiful that there is such a double standard because what ends up happening is many of these guys gain no real concept about what love really is. Love to them is someone pandering to their whims or making them look good in public and that is sad as I pointed out last week here.

What is even worse is when I have one of these people lamenting to me about how badly, unfairly or unjustly someone else treated them when they tried to be a loving friend or even a boyfriend and then turn around and do the same god damn thing they whined to me about to others- or even me. If that is not the epitome of the phrase double standard I don't know what else is.

Back to Nick...(the pics are from some of my favorite scenes he did at Helix)...

I didn't have the space to elaborate on the other blog so I just want to make things perfectly clear here. I am really not obsessed with Nick Angels- or anyone for that matter. There is a big difference between being obsessed and either admiring someone's work or if they have told you they love you as well wanting to be part of their world on a daily basis- not just when it is convenient or it can be kept secret for appearances sake.

The point I was trying to make on the other blog was that if I was the type to get obsessed to any human being or performer it would have been Nick. For my tastes in my personal life, especially when I was his age he is perfect. His ethnic background is appealing, his body is awesome and I love guys that are shorter than me.

Away from the physical, even though I just had a short chat with him when I met Nick last year I found him to be adorable, sincere and very forthright. Incredibly polite I found him to be charming and a very smart young man.

Those are all the qualities I like in a guy- but it isn't an obsession. I haven't mailed him or spoke with him since last year. It is more of a testament to the kind of guy he is and his talent as a performer.

So no- Chucky does not get obsessed over twinks. My life, my day and my world does not depend on talking to any of them. But Chucky also has feelings- again it is forgotten or simply dismissed by younger people that we older folks have feelings too and when someone fucks with our heads or hearts it hurts deeply as well.

What is the point of this post?

Well first to clarify what I wrote- I love the work Nick has done and really enjoyed chatting with him off the set but I am really not an obsessed fan.

Second to say that I have reached a limit with double standards- whether it has to do with societal double standards or those sometimes thrust upon my by so called friends and acquaintances.

I may not be rich, I may not be young, I may not have the gym body, and I may not live like a king in a million dollar condo but I am a damn good person who would rather slit his own wrists than intentionally betray a trust or hurt someone I care about intentionally.

But there comes a time when one has to say enough of the double standards. I have seen this played out with three different people in my life over the past month.

I have reached my limit of trying to be nice just for the sake of being an honest and caring person only to have efforts thrown in my face or blown off.

I have reached my limit of allowing myself to be manipulated into believing things only to find out that what I was led to believe is not true at all- you may not realize it but it sucks knowing some people use you as a last resort and I just won't stand for that any more in friendships or on a professional level.

I have had enough of trying to be the friend indeed to a friend in need only to be excommunicated when things get sorted out or they decide...let me repeat that...they decide that they have no more use for me until the next time.

Maybe this post- aside from making sure no one spins what I said about Nick is a self-affirmation post to myself.

I am a good person and I do not have to look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle or anything else to meet someone's approval. I will not settle anymore and in the coming months I am going to weed out the real friends from those who are fair weather ones.

You can take that to the bank for sure because I deserve better.



And yes for me I think Nick is and was one of the most sensual and sexy models ever cast at Helix...no apologies for that as well!

REST IN PEACE RUE

STORY BELOW IS FROM THE LA TIMES

Rue McClanahan, who played a man-crazy Southern belle in the seminal '80s sitcom "Golden Girls," died early Thursday of a massive stroke. She was 76.

McClanahan had suffered a minor stroke in January during recovery from heart bypass surgery, her manager said at the time.

"Golden Girls," which has aired in syndication nearly nonstop since its successful run from 1985 to 1992 on NBC, has been discovered by a whole new generation lately, partly because of costar Betty White and her resurgent popularity.

White is now the sole surviving cast member. Bea Arthur died last year of cancer, and Estelle Getty died in 2008.

McClanahan won an Emmy in 1987 for her portrayal of Blanche Devereaux, an aging beauty who still had an eye for the fellas. The actress' resume stretches back to the '60s and includes some of TV's most memorable shows, such as "All in the Family," "Maude," "The Love Boat" and "Touched by an Angel."

In 2007, she published a memoir with the sassy title "My First Five Husbands ... and the Ones Who Got Away."

.....

NOW THAT JUST LEAVES BETTY WHITE- REST IN PEACE RUE- YOU WERE A FUNNY LADY AND I ENJOYED YOUR WORK.

Right click here to see the KTLA story on her sudden passing.

McGAY McDONALDS FRENCH AD

You know I have always thought that Ronald McDonald was the Richard Simmons of the fast food mascot world and today, at least in France, old Ron rolls out a commercial with gay people in it.

No they are not showing off their Big Macs but finally there is some kind of mainstream...again albeit French...advertisement that doesn't exclude us gay folk.

Every commercial we see on mainstream TV shows happy, hetero people- as if we don't exist. From fast food commercials to the ones that sell you the pills to get you a better- or at least less flacid stiffy it all is directed to straight people.

Never mind that most gay males have disposable incomes with no kids to support and that our shopping dollars make up for a huge percentage of retail sales in America, the mainstream TV in the USA just cannot bring themselves to show gays in any of their ads...yeah we don't eat, or buy a god damn thing do we homophobic America/

We just suck cock 24/7...oh and ruin heterosexual marriages when we want equal partnership rights!

Anyhow Bravo McDonald's in France...here is the commercial:

TAKE A CHANCE

When it comes to music I usually stick with what I grew up with- progressive art rock and bands that are similar to that.

But randomly today someone sent me a link to this kids videos and I was blown away by his voice.

His name is Greyson Chance and apparently was introduced to the world on the Ellen Show.

I have heard that other kid- the rapping kid Jusrtin Bieber and this young man puts that hack artist to shame. This kid can really sing while the other one calls the crap he does music.

Sorry Justin but this kid Greyson wipes his ass with your so-called music.

So yes, I am impressed with this kid.

Not exactly the type of music I go in for although I do love Lady Gaga.

Here he is singing GaGa's song Paparazzi:



Click here to visit his YouTube page and click here to see his segments on the ELLEN SHOW.

You can click here to visit his official Facebook page and click here to listen to more of his songs including Broken Hearts- a song he actually wrote himself.

Again I usually don't like kiddie singers but this 12-year-old is simply amazingly good.

ON STRYKER

Someone asked me on FormSpring who my all time favorite gay porn star was- my answer was Jeff Stryker.

But I got to thinking that many of the younger peiople may not remember who he is so...according to the Wikipedia page about him:

"Jeff Stryker is primarily known as a performer in gay pornography films, although Jamie Loves Jeff was one of the biggest selling heterosexual adult movies of all time for its producer, VIVID ENTERTAINMENT. He describes himself (in a somewhat joking fashion) as sexually "universal". Stryker was inducted into the AVN Hall of Fame for his body of work in adult films."

Some of the best porn I remember watching featured Jeff..whether he was with a twink or another buff guy the scenes were always hot and he sticks out in my mind as one of my all time favorites.

I never got to meet him in person- of course in his heyday I was younger and not a gay porn reviewer so I just was a fan of his work.

That's it for posting here today...just wanted to put this up just in case the person who asked me who my all time favorite was didn't know who I chose.

Off to go have more fun today- since last weekend was pitifully tragic I am making up for it this weekend.

Cheers!

YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY

(A little background before we start- as well as working in medicine in my past I also worked with recovering addicts and part of that training involved the study of psychology. So I have studied what I am about top write. It is both from what I learned in books and classes and from my own personal experiences as a youth and as an older adult)

I want to continue today talking about the subjects I have been on all week...today I want to take a closer look at fear of intimacy.

Do you remember the first close relationship that you had with your best friend when you were a kid? Just opposite to this 'close relationship' is what is termed as the 'Fear of Intimacy' in Psychology. In any relationship, it is very essential to get rid of this fear. However, to get rid of it, it is first necessary to identify it before it spoils your close relationships- whether it is with a lover, a close friend or even family. Fear of intimacy is a grown-up problem and is never an issue in childhood friendships when you share all your secrets with your best friend.

Fear of intimacy entails lack of enthusiasm and an unwillingness to open up and let slip your true self to another human being, possibly because of a hurting experience in a past relationship.

The determination to avoid getting hurt again most often leads to the fear of intimacy.

I see this in older adults as well as young- especially in the twinks that do gay porn. Most that I have talked to never really had a great home life, in fact most report that there wasn't much love and acceptance at home at all.

After they start becoming "famous" with their clothes off everyone wants a piece of them. Some have tried forming close friendships or even lover relationships but most times they find out that the person that claimed to care had his own motivations- and when they get what they set out to get they usually disappear.

This is why so many people, and again especially people who work in the industry, have this fear of initmacy. They have been hurt and disappointed so many times- by family, so-called friends and men who claim they love them until the next twink comes along. Believe me I hear a lot of stuff from the twinks and the stories are heartbreaking at times.

So the natural defense is to push away when things start to get to0 close. No matter how sincere and real the other person is the voice in the head keeps telling them that despite the clear evidence and the actions, that proved they are trustworthy and loyal, the other person is probably just like the rest that eventually hurt and disappointed them in their past.

So the fear is a conditioning of sorts and a defense mechanism.

Such a fear is also found in people who never got an opportunity to learn how to be open to friends and lovers as they were brought up in an emotionally and socially closed environment. In other words, fear of intimacy is more or less similar to the fear of commitment.

While I am no expert on love I do know what real love means. For me there are two kinds. Romantic love and paternal love. Romantic for me sits exclusively with my partner. Paternal love for me is caring about another person without expecting things in return- just being a constant and reliable person that listens more than anything else.

Again while I am usually the one that gets pushed away there was a time when I was the one that pushed away others myself. I had been so hurt and mind fucked as a teen. When I became an adult- back when I was thin, pretty built and attractive I was one of those people that were too naive to know when I was being played and right when the bastards got my heart they would drop me. Eventually I became cold and if someone got too close- or appeared to be I was find some little reason to blow things out of proportion and push them away before...in my thinking...like everyone else they would hurt me in the end.

That spared me from hurt- I was the dumper not the dumpee...but for a few that I now realize really did care I totally mind-fucked them. I had the chance 20 years later to talk to one I did that to and he told me that he just didn't understand why I let him in and then suddenly shut off everything. He said that he was left feeling like he was being punished for caring; that in my silence sent the message that all the effort he made was for not.

And that is why fear of intimacy is such a bad thing- not only for the person who fears but also the person that gets cut off.

It is bad for the person with the phobia because as I mentioned the other day, they as did I, will eventually run into situations where they need the people that have truly cared. But after pushing them all away most, again as did I, find that the ones we thought cared disappeared and the ones who did that I disappeared on were non-existent as well because they couldn't deal with my ripping their heart out again.

The psychological impact on the person being pushed aside is great too. Self-blame is common and they wonder what the hell they did wrong. They, in turn, sometimes develop the same fear of intimacy as well because the person who fears never pushes away people they do not have feelings for. It is the ones that they actually do love and care about that gets pushed away because it is a scary situation. Especially if they love is for someone that is not within the person's usual or expected preference.

So yes I was both intimacy phobic in my past and as I get older have become the victim at times of the fear of others. What I never understood and what these people that suffer with this fear do not understand is that when you let someone in, when you encourage open, honest communication- especially about feelings. When you respond back and allow yourself to say you care as well most people will embrace that and allow themselves to feel.

The person on the other side, the one who gets shut off, are left with real feelings...not one sided and fantasy but real feelings that were usually encourage by the intimacy phobic and they have no choice but to either ignore them or let the hurt they feel themselves drive them mad. Love, caring and compassion for another, when it is welcomed one day and refused the next, cannot be shut off like a water faucet.

But for people that fear intimacy, despite the guilt feelings they have (they always have guilt because they know they hurt someone that meant no harm deep in their heart) they turn a blind eye because in their mind it is safer to hurt...however unintentional...then to be eventually hurt and left wondering what the person they just pushed away is feeling.

It really is a no win situation for both people and the best way to deal with it is to face the fear head on and be brave enough to talk about the fear. Silence always leads to misunderstandings and assumptions and I have learned that talking not avoiding is the best way to clear the air and to be the friend I claim to be with various people.

Think this may be you or you were affected by someone with this fear?

The following are some signs and symptoms that will help you identify the fear of intimacy, if present, and take steps to get rid of it as soon as possible:

1) Premeditated or intentional withholding of personal information: The person makes a deliberate attempt to hide his/her feelings, personal details, and secrets from his/her partner.

2) Tendency to protect one-self from getting into personal discussions of sharing and caring: The person will try to withdraw when his/her partner talks about his/her thoughts and feelings.

3) Being over-critical of oneself or others: The person having a fear of intimacy either lacks self-confidence, owing to which he underestimates himself, or possesses a negative attitude, owing to which he fails to appreciate any good quality in his partner or friends.

4) Feelings of resentment and embarrassment: Feeling shy or irritated when others talk about their personal thoughts, experiences, or feelings also strongly indicates a fear of intimacy.

5) Lack of affection: People having fear of intimacy often show less or no affection towards their loved ones and pretend to be 'over-practical' in life.

However, one important thing to bear in mind is that there is a big difference between a person having fear of intimacy and a person who is just less demonstrative about his/her feelings. To conclude, if you really wish to develop trust and openness in your relationships, identify this fear of intimacy and try to get rid of it.

But I can tell you from my own past that staying silent and pushing away things never works for either person. This world is so cold these days- people seem to just take what they want with disregard for others so when you find someone that really cares embrace that...don't apologize to anyone that wants to judge...because as I have seen in my lifetime people that truly give a damn are few and far between and it sucks when your chips are down and need that love and compassion the most when no one is there because you pushed them away for the last time they will tolerate.

Perhaps one of the best songs written about fear of intimacy is by Peter Gabriel...I will leave you with his song "That Voice Again" today:

A HEART RIPPED APART

I forgot to add in to last night's post that I will start writing the story in June...this morning I had to come post here first because I read something this morning on Twitter that has totally enraged me. Someone that I had the pleasure of meeting a couple of months back, who is a genuinely nice young man has had his heart and his mind fucked with by a poser.

Someone using the name "PrinceJonathon" was using another person's pics and was getting into the heads and hearts of a lot of people on Twitter.

There is nothing that pisses me off more than some scumbag using someone else's pics to pretend they are a hot twink or whatever. To ease their pitiful life they create a whole new identity just to make inroads with either mainstream or adult performers and others that seem to have a lot of popularity.

This PrinceJonathan, whoever the hell he is, needs to be strung up by his balls because it is bad enough lying and pretending you are someone you are not but then when you start having intimate phone convos and lead one of these guys on it is inexcusable in my opinion. These guys may be all about sex on film but they have feelings and hurt like every other human being. I just do not know how someone could do this to one of these guys.

While this latest bit of internet drama is sad it does illustrate some of what I have been talking about on this blog and in private conversations with friends at home.

First of all it never ceases to amaze me how the twinks will warm right up to a picture. If the person looks like the guy in the random pic on the left that I found he makes immediate inroads.

If the person has a Twitter pic like the pic of the older bear later in this post, below in this post, they either will be ignored or kept at a distance. I am not just assuming this- I know from personal experience watching this dynamic since I use the real pictures of myself and make sure that if I use a banner pic- like on MySpace, I make it clear to people that the twink is not me.

Unless the older person is someone important or is one of the people I mentioned the other day that use their wealth to buy the favors of these guys either with gifts or chemicals they really don't get much attention at all.

But someone that looks like a hottie, that posts a random pic like this is immediate deemed credible and beyond suspicion just because of age and looks.

Sadly that is just how it is, but it is dangerous to assume just because someone has a hot pic that they say are them to make them an immediate friend and confidant. I just cannot stand these fucking posers- that is why when I started Borderboys I decided to use my real pictures.

If you have been following along on this blog you know that lately I really hate how I look to begin with but despite my flaws I had to be honest- especially when I deal with a lot of these adult performer twinks who have had young lives filled with lots of hurt, pain, and disappointment by people that they trusted to care for them in their early lives.

According to what I read this morning this poser did one of the worst things one human being can do to another- rip their heart out.

I talked about the word love earlier in the week and there is another word that people really do not understand- intimacy.

Intimacy is pretty much, at the bare bones level, open and honest communication between two human beings.

When someone calls you frequently, when they sound and act as if you matter in their lives, when they choose to tell you their deepest and darkest secrets, when they say or text the words "I love you" in any form people like me and the young man who was hurt really believe it.

So the natural response is to open up your and start to feel what you are led on to believe the other person is feeling. I can completely understand how this poor soul must feel now. Especially if he is like me- I am usually very closed off when it comes to letting people in.

I have been through the ringer a number of times in my life with people, especially acting as if they care, convincing me that it was safe to feel the love you feel for a friend that is almost like family and then have them drop you like a ball- leaving you holding your heart in your hand when they were done with getting out of me whatever it was they sought.

The worst cases were when they would turn it around on the other person they led on and even though they convince the other they truly care and encouraged them to care they make it seem as if the other some insane person that had no right to feel despite what they were led to believe. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the lament of people that have been through that.

The one that gets left holding the heart in the hand usually starts getting down on themselves but the reality is that the person who said they loved them then shuts off for no logical reason is that they just couldn't handle it themselves so it was easier to make a quick escape.

I have been through that as well. As a result, since the last time- almost two years ago, I have let only two people into my heart besides my partner of eight years. I guess it's safer to stay detached- I can't get hurt that way like the young man did by this poser if I stay closed off.

Again I can really understand how this guy feels inside. You open your closed heart, you really believe what you are hearing from the other person and then to find out that they were either an outright liar or bail out when they come to realize that their words are just not words but they really feel something to it hurts deeply.

There is just no way to rationalize it- it happens all the time especially with men my age and younger twinks.

Part of them likes having the older, paternal type person around and the love and acceptance. But when that real intimacy I mentioned above occurs, when they are not just saying I love you but mean it in their heart for some it is unnerving. There is just no way to explain to friends that you give a damn about some old bastard especially if you are expected to be with a certain type man. Young and old confuse that word love and the word intimacy with sexual attraction. There is a big difference but many fail to see it.

They feel yet it scares them because, if they are like me, they wonder...if they let themselves feel will the bottom drop out and will I be hurt in the end. For some it is better to shut off when it is convenient to spare themselves from the eventual hurt or the embarrassment of having to justify who they love and why to people that are judgmental.

How do I know this?

This is me- my biggest fear is if I allow myself to care that the emotions will be either misunderstood or I will be left standing wondering why what I was lead on to believe suddenly changed up and is no more.

So scenarios like that are bad enough. I imagine being led on by a poser like this guy was is even worse. My heart goes out to him it really does because again I know exactly how he is feeling now because I have felt the same in the past.

So the situation on Twitter seems to have caused heartache more than anything else but what if this guy was one of the sickos out there?

I was talking with my fellow blogger Dewayne In San Diego last night about this very subject.

How certain current industry twinks are using things like FormSpring- the question and answer thing...and revealing too much about their personal lives, their schools and other things that nutcases can use to stalk or worse.

If there is one thing I have learned in a year and a half of doing Borderboys and especially in the past week is that it is so important that these guys keep their performer persona and personal life persona separate.

I made one of the dumbest mistakes so far last week when I posted something myself. Logically I was thinking that since I announced one thing on the Borderboys blog I had to explain why it was not going to happen for my readers.

I posted something that seemed benign at the time but the fact of the matter was that it was not up to me to disclose details- it was up to the other person. Again my logic was to simply tell the truth about what is going on since I try to be as honest as I can on the other blog and this one.

But until this last night and this morning I really didn't have an understanding, at least from the performers point of view, of how disclosing something that is seemingly vague and common can be used by people like this poser to either overstep bounds or worse with these performers.

I really thought I was just being honest with my readers but I have learned that sometimes, unless the person him or herself puts it out there, it is no ones business.

Having done that I betrayed a trust- however unintentional and I never want that to happen again.

You just never know what sick bastards will do with even the most innocuous information. One example is some of the mail or twits I get when I mention I am seeing one of the twink performers.

I get things like, "hope you are having fun eating his ass out" and shit like that. They take a simple meet up and dirty it up. What people do not understand is that most of these guys are completely different people than they appear to be on screen. Felix Russo is a great example. On screen he is the horny little bottom boy but in real life he is in a monogamous relationship and does not cheat on his boyfriend.

I saw Roxy Red the other day and got someone that should have known better mailing asking if "I fucked him". We had coffee at Starbucks and went to a couple of shops in Hillcrest...that's it. Yet people with vivid imaginations, if allowed, would take that simple meet up and twist it into something it was not.

So boy have my eyes been opened about what to disclose and what not to- while I like being honest on the blog there are some things that you all just do not need to know about my personal life and that of various performers unless they put it out.

And I caution a lot of the new performers to be really careful about what you disclose online. Not every person is sane or like me. Generally when I say I love you to someone other than my partner, especially if it a young person, it is more paternal than anything...but there are many that will fall in love with the idea of you and may want to make the fantasy- including sex a reality whether you like it or not.
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So guys please be careful...I know I plan to in the future...I will be guarding the personal info about the performers I talk to even more closely because I do not want to be responsible for writing something the person did not print himself and someone using that to either stalk or worse.